The Processes Of Growth

In this world, there is lots of languages that I don’t understand. I learnt many languages, so I can’t get along with the different circles.

The different circles that I step in shows me, how much I don’t belong. The codes that they have with each other, that is not ready to share with me, shows me how disconnected I am.

I stepped away.

I thought as long as I can have my own thoughts, I don’t need others to understand or agree. All I need is to draw paint by myself, because I have myself. Because, even at the darkest times, your shadow betrays you. Why should you even give a chance of believing, you should understand, they leave.

I disconnect myself from others, thought that I can do anything myself.  I was wrong, there is so much things on this world that I don’t understand, or even know. The capacity of my head is so empty that it felt like it exploded. No body to talk to, no body to share. Just me…

Until, I reach for help. I can’t take this! Please someone talk to me! I don’t understand why couldn’t I do this.

I know that everyone view the world differently, but how come in the mind of others is so beautiful. The way they interoperate is so complete, and just so beautiful. I try to render as much as I can. I told myself, if I can’t do it once it’s okay I will do it again, and again. Until I think it’s right. Every time I step back to see my work. Wa! Beautiful! I look slightly to the right, the person next to me is half way done. I JUST DON’T BELIVE IT, if they can do it I can to, Okay I might not get it the first time, it’s okay I will put more time to get it as perfect as I can.

As I step in to the eye of others I understand how far away I am from standard. At that moment, I understand the amount of time you put in might help you, but it’s not enough. Without the technique, without viewing the world in the eye of other. The amount of wisdom won’t grow.

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